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September 3, 2018 1:46 pm

September 3, 2018 1:46 pm


As a younger /girl I never chased anyone And guys would stand in line pursuing me Then came the time when I turned that around chasing whoever my heart would fall for And since then I have had no luck at all with men I had convinced myself that by doing the chase it would mean that I knew what I wanted and it would show as a strong quality unfortunately men don’t see that It’s natures course of how mating should be My mother always used to tell me go for the guy that falls for you and not the other way around How right those words were As I sit here 33 years old after 1 failed marriage and a even more failed dating life I have come to the same term let the men chase But it’s so damn hard when you’re used to do it It’s kind of like a bad habit maybe a change is gonna come now that the problem is recognized. Omg!!! This so true!!!! I’m doing this now,but after reading this article. The poor are evil If they do not eat We do not sleep Morally poor I have been with a for the last 11 yrs Although we do not see one another regularly we talk daily It’s hard for me to believe its only physically as that’s the smallest part of our relationship I truly love this and I know he loves me His wife found an email from me and it came apart last night He told me today and my heart breaks not only for him but for his wife I had no intention of taking him from his marriage maybe I did emotionally He doesn’t know what to do I personally don’t believe I should be in any decision he makes He needs to make that decision for himself I told him I was backing away it’s one of the hardest things I’ve. Lol i’m a guy who’s done throwing my time to the wind chasing u girls who think u’r gods gift to the world truth is my time is just as valuable as urs relationships r only real when they’re created with mutual efforts it’s not my fault most guys r shit it’s also not my fault that most girls r equally shit with this said i’m not in any way interested in a girl who isn’t batshit crazy about me this is why i talk to foreign girls cause american girls r conceited and spoiled. […] Source: /2015/10/08/chasing/ […] Misp your comment to dear jade is so on point Tori you need to control yourself dear people have their opinions you either respect them or hold yours even God did that by giving everyone the choice to choose their beliefs. To finish activating your account check your inbox for our Welcome message and confirm your email address Okay Register Welcome back!Sign into The Naked Convos or create an account Fill the form Username And on my concept of action/inaction your picture of helplessness and sit down look is painting in extremes While that is okay My meaning of action/inaction is only even talking about everyday normalcy that we overlook This is gonna sound silly but i’m being objective here; i got a job offer and accepted the next guy who didn’t get the job will feel hurt that he didn’t (notice i didn’t plan on hurting that guy but by accepting the job i may somehow have) i contemplated quitting my job for three months because i felt like it would hurt the firm as they were a major player in a court case and i was a part of it I had to quit for myself but quitting may hurt the firm Now while i understand empathy and sympathy what should i. Good on you for not wasting another second of this ’s life I think men should be avoided by girls they have nothing to offer them except of course these girls have a different reason Secondly I find it hard to believe that a will approach a girl (outside work) whoever she is for any reason other than sex If they want an affirmation of their masculinity they should go their wives who already worship and love them and not risk their homes for a momentary fling. I’ve been “seeing” this guy for 2 months now I’m completely infatuated and I can absolutely see a future with him… BUT I’ve been chasing him And he doesn’t seem as into me as I am into him When we are actually hanging out hes very sweet (holds my hands cuddles etc.) but he has done no chasing and after reading this it’s time for him to do the chasing!! It’s going to be tough but it needs to happen 🙁 Hello dy ! On page 76 0f “The ” you offered a chapter in favor of being “hard to get” I’ve had way too much of “hard to get” in my life and not enough of “giving me a chance” or “being available” You’re stereotyping men There ARE ways a can give me a challenge but that comes AFTER we get into a relationship Looking through the photo section of your Facebook page I saw where you wrote “Something I just recently learned is that chased love is not love ” “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased begged or given an ultimatum ” and “A happy life isn’t about chasing a or having a …” Why does that go for a but not. I can relate because I was that type you are talking about The difference was that my wife and I were headed for a divorce and in fact had not been intimate at all for several years I met my version of you in person and we did connect for several days before heading back from a conference to our real lives In the end when my marriage ending was finalized my version of you had moved on but I was still in love with her Sometimes the timing IS JUST WRONG and not all men who do this are players or cheats Sometimes they are just good guys with rotten timing. Hi thanks for the sensible advice… I needed to hear it!! I joined a dating site recently and really seemed to hit it off with this guy a fellow arien … Which is one of the excuses i gave myself when he didn’t message me back… After a few days of waiting online at the same time he was on so he was aware I was online too… But nothing… So I finally deleted all our messages and looked to you for some moral support… I’ve been alone for around 9 years now and to be honest its hard but I guess alone with some dignity is better than chasing a heartless loser!! Such a good blog Thank you for writing this and giving me a reminder that the guy I’ve been chasing is stupid and that I am worth being pursued Reply » LauraOctober 8 2015So glad to see I’m not alone I relate to so y of these comments it’s sad Excruciating. It bugs me to no end when I read all the guys commenting about how this advice is wrong and they actually “like” to be chased Just No ! They say/think that but I completely agree with most of the women – and know from experience – if it happens they lose interest and run the. Every time you come up with these amazing words at the right time!! Thank you Sooo much!! Reply » karenOctoThanx dear im in the same situation and the worse part of it is that. Exactly! One of my motto is “no game playing” I am the sort of sociable girl that find introverted intelligent nerdy men sexy That is just my type With shy men it is an exception He will need lots of encouragement to make a move Flirt tease him even ask him out on first date Shy guys are terrified of rejection They will not give chase unless they know the girl is into him If he response favourably and starts to put in the efforts then keep going If he is lazy move on I dated shy men all my life and once they warm up to you they can be really devoted rotic lovers These are the guys that buy you the little gifts your favorite food flowers and cook you food on an ongoing basis and rarely tell you what. Thanks for sharing your story In this world of instant everything we forget that good things take time Be desirable not desperate And if a is pursuing you make sure he finds treasure not trash when he catches you sarahApHi I wish I could be that strong Been with my partner 4 years always told be patient about plans plans nothing excuses all the time.I am old enough to be strong and let go but I can’t hoping he will realise what we. […] Somewhere down the line women have completely missed the memo of letting a ‘court’ you before marriage or long-term comittment Yes I said ‘court'; it’s old traditional and totally detached from the vocabulary of women today Women have simply signed an air agreement to being a ’s wife before he ever acknowledges you publicly as his girlfriend (Steve Harvey calls it PROFESS) The roles have changed and now women are doing more of the pursuing making it more difficult for traditional to get a dy Hale of writes in her blog Five Reasons Why You Should Never Chase a Guy the cold hard truth behind chasing a guy He doesn’t want… read. I spent a large part of 2013 doing a lot of research on cheaters and the ‘art’ of cheating Why? Let’s just say you will find out soon enough My research work was nothing academic or anything like that so I have no numbers surveys and what not to show you hence my disclaimer but this and the fact that I’ve been fortunate to write as a relationship blogger for several years has equipped me with quite a lot of knowledge on the topic of cheating generally and more recently cheating while I think it makes sense to begin with popular assumptions or shall we say myths commonly associated with cheating while – oh sorry one more thing I forgot to mention is that when I say cheating while I’m talking absolutely about women cheating with men in this post So here’s. Register Now So happy you found your way here Alice! Sending love and prayers and well wishes to you in the new year I hope you’ll check out my new book Beautiful Uncertainty…I think it will bless you! 🙂. Brilliant just what I needed to read at the right time Reply » LeboOctober 8 2015This I also learned first hand Thank. I hope wherever you are in your journey today you’ll realize that you are worth being pursued You deserve a who is willing to do whatever it takes to capture your heart Take off those running shoes and give your legs and your heart a break What would you add to this list? Sound off in the comments below! If you want to read the story of the relationship I chased after for eight long years (I am living proof that chasing is a bad idea) grab my book (& New York Times Bestseller) I’ve Never Been to Vegas But My Luggage Has at any bookstore or order. I am the wife in the same situation My husband had an affair for three years with the same HW She calls our house all times day or night She has written comments on my Facebook comments to my husband My husband decided to end the affair and work on keeping our marriage an family together She may have not known he was but so is she vi told her to stop calling our home and my husband She just will not stop We have done everything just short of changing our number which at this time is not an option Once you know the is not or in the middle of a divorce the children are the ones that suffer the consequences of their lives being turned upside down They blame themselves and just want things back as it once was I do not feel sorry for any one that gets involved with a person. As a I’m calling bullshit on this We as men will chase what we want But at the same time if we are constantly being pushed away rejected and felt downright unwanted we will stop pursuing her It hurts us just as bad for us to be rejected in that way that makes us feel unwanted as well elightened oneNovemThis is so so so true When I feel like I am constantly trying to chase a guy for our relationship to work,that so one sided The guy should call or text me I feel like I ‘m not doing all the rowing in the boat called our relationship. Needed to read this desperately Going through a rough period after a recent breakup Been feeling depressed & upset After 6 months and seeing each other every day he just disappeared with no explanation I feel like a complete idiot that I was played I actually kept asking him to tell me why or what happened to get closure He won’t respond….praying for healing to get through this After reading all the posts I can’t believe how y women are going through similar situations It’s sad… For all your “arrogance” A above might just be one of such wives y’all just summarily dismissed I know my Ma’s one such So yea Thanks for understanding. B – if your question was not in jest in a nutshell: you should not initiate texts calls or dates You shouldn’t “lead” or “pull” the along BUT when he makes advances (gentlely ones) you should be open friendly and warm Let your light shine The easiest way I have found to try to do this (and it isn’t easy) is to stay in the mindset of not caring either way about the outcome Just do you and have the idea in your head that if he chases you it’s great because you’re awesome and you want to get to know him and if he doesn’t chase you then that’s great too because you’re fine and happy on your own and enjoying this amazing life you’ve created for yourself (And if you haven’t created your amazing life yet that’s your first step and adventure Best wishes and good luck!-Pearl Firstly my comment was an appeal of sorts not an accusation The word arrogance was in quotes ’cause I lack a better word Summarily dismissed shouldn’t have been used in the way I did sorry Finally it’s ok if you say you weren’t flippant are you sure though? Penis & vagina like ear & teeth? Honesty’s good its better when brandished diplomatically Yo Nosa doing wrong doesn’t make you a bad person? Even if you’re aware & proudly stand by it? What does then pls? Meanwhile let’s be clear I did not attempt to shame anyone While you’re forming guardian of the galaxy lol don’t you think your view about people getting hurt or not is rather simple & maybe a tad selfish? No? Do the consequences of our actions ever affect only us? Really? & is it till someone dies? Do you find all the other “levels of hurt” before death acceptable hence your it’s. Dear dy I’m a guy that happened in to your site by chance and I think your article is spot on The only thing that I would like to add is this Since males do Almost all of the chasing and pursuing they are very aware from experience of all of the pitfalls of chasing The conclusion you reach in #3 about the not being a great guy because he will not make the time or spend the energy to honestly reject you is frustration that far more men go through as they chase the objects of their desires In my opinion On average a is far less likely to honestly explain that she is just not that into you So when texts go unreturned and she’s helping a friend do her hair on date night guys immediately call into question the ’s character and honesty I agree with this post when it comes to dating and courting However I don’t think there is anything wrong with a approaching a – so perhaps intiating the very first small move (introducing herself for example) – and then letting him pursue you Some men are shy or for whatever reason don’t intiallly talk to you (for the first move) but once they know you’re interested they should chase you of course – if they don’t then absolutely they don’t want to be caught What do others think. This is a joke and the reason why men gave up persueing women All the thinks you wrote about us men applied to women too I stipe’s chasing as I was so sick & tired of never getting a reply or any equal interest Today I say screw that women arnt even worth the hassle They piss me off more than they make me happy… This applies to a lot of men We are sick as tired of entitle. Current Location This field can be seen by: Everyone Change Back in the day when there were no Facebook social media or internet; my stepdad had no choice but to initiate conversation with a he was interested in I agree with him when he says men nowadays are cowards Reply » DawnNovemCowards. This was wonderful I’ve been interested in a for over six months He is busy- we all are- yet he has time always for his friends or other people I’ve told him that I really enjoy talking with him spending time with him He said he did with me as well However he never makes plans to spend with me I won’t case him I like spending time with him but I enjoy the company of y of my friends: I just don’t want to kiss them as I do him He’s going to be “friend zoned” as this is what happens to the guys in my life who- at one time I had believed had the potential of being more than a friend- but they didn’t see me as important enough Odd aftetwards how they always kick themselves- I’m not vain I just know my worth and value I’m grateful for your blog: it reiterated what I know but at times temporarily forget 🙂 Almost the same thing happened to me And it’s funny that when you’ve moved on they come around chasing after you pursuing you again thinking you’d fall for those same words How little do they think of us? I’m nice but I am not stupid to be giving second chances with someone who was never certain of having me in the first place I certainly agree no one has to be chasing anyone just so you can have them There’s a difference between chasing and persevering. They totally loath the idea of men approaching them Like loathe is probably a chill word maybe I should say they abhor it They hate the idea so much their immediate reaction to a guy chatting them up is that of disgust They just judge the guy on the spot and some go as far as trying to humiliate him publicly All well and good right? Not quite Why? The question is why is a coming after you in the first place? Do you really think it’s all about the sex? Why do we have Adeyemo Alakija street in VI or even Unilag if you will It will only cost him some change and he’ll probably even get a chic who’ll give him better sex that you can imagine ever So it’s definitely not about sex. Dealing with this right now Put up my running shoes today I’m done!!! Reply » GiGiOctoYou go girl I’m happy. After the fantasizing I started to develop feelings I started seeing him in a different light Now he was no longer my friend my buddy but a potential mate! The attraction and chemistry grew stronger and stronger So far we haven’t done any heavy flirting or we haven’t seen each other outside of the office and we haven’t been intimate I have been trying my best to let God help me with this God has kept me from making a total fool of myself but I am still a fool because I want this so bad I crave him Before going to bed I say my prayers hastily so I can spend the rest of the night in bed thinking about him about us The thoughts that have run through my head about what I want to do to him and what I want to do to him would make for a steamy. And you want to know something if you really think about it every thing we do or don’t do hurts someone in someway it’s a crazy concept but it’s true by doing or not doing someone gets hurt so for us all there exists some acceptable level and concept. If you truly have hopes of finding a decent Christian to date try Christian Mingle or E-harmony Tinder was created as a “hook-up” site So dont’ be surprised if they ask you a lot more inappropriate things than what color your panties are. This field can be seen by: Everyone Change Hey di I totally agree with what you said about us men being hunters and gathers but your wrong this is the truth from history hunter-gatherer is a hu living in a society in which most or all food is obtained by foraging (collecting wild plants and pursuing wild animals) in contrast to agricultural societies which rely mainly on domesticated species you said us men are hunters and gathers and persue women when in fact the truth is used men persue our dreams and hope to make a decent living and make our ancestors proud thank you for. Thanks!! I needed to see this I am REALLY bad about this and literally just did it the past day or so- I hate feeling like its over after a fight I literally expect things to be over after a fight then i’ll dump the dude then realize oops i didnt mean it- its a vicious cycle that i want to break cos i feel like an ass every time i do it cos then i feel lie what if i have opened up the idea to the person Thats when the chasing begins This probably has to do with the repeated dysfunctional relationships I have allowed myself to exist in I do not know what a normal love situation looks like and so i tend to want to clench onto whatever i feel resembles it in my head… anyway I do so badly wanna change this I want love Real love stable love and none i have to chase for I have never been an online person and i feel its not for me and i am not that interested in social media anymore. That’s what is happening right now,I can’t even stop,I keep him every min,sometimes he just read and not reply,but I see my self again,I feel like am going insane,I just want to let him go,but I can’t I just have to delete his contacts but didn’t block him,just in case he want me around,and he want to be with me,but I can’t wait any longer,I just want my love for him. I totally agree but why though? guys can fail to get girls too they don’t always succeed what’s the difference between guys pursuing girls and girls pursuing guys? both can fail on getting their love (trying to win a debate with my friends) Loved this article…its just awesome beyond words I just wanted to say one line Be a lady that he want to live with and can’t live without And if either of the things are not fitting the situation he is not the who would move mountains to be. Hi Michael It is my opinion that a SHOULD be the pursuer thus the reason for my stance in my book/Facebook/my blog/etc I’ve done it both ways and I know firsthand (and from literally all of my girlfriends and all the ladies who reach out to me for advice) that as much as a might say he doesn’t want to be the pursuer…the minute a starts chasing him is the very minute he gets bored and bails So that is my stance and it won’t be changing anytime soon and unless I see evidence to point me to the contrary You don’t have to agree with me In fact I would urge you to start your own blog and change the conversation and even prove me wrong 🙂 However based on my faith and other values my viewpoints on the roles of men and women in a relationship are not going to change. I’ll join in that prayer for me n you cos I almost lost faith recently cos its hard hard that you desire to be loved by your own but you ain’t got none while someone else’s who fits the bill wants to love you it’s hard being at an age where you want to love and be. Side Note: I have to say that this is fine as all get out He’s tall dark and handsome has a kind heart everyone adores him he has a really strong work ethic makes six figures…the list goes on. And u pple talking abt karma lol! Karma is slow and it misfires y people wit cheating partners have never cheated or aided it before so please. Again I’m not here asking you to lower your standards but whatever you do please don’t go around carrying it on your head At the end of the day we are all sinners looking up to God or whatever supreme being you believe in for mercy If you already know that you should know that there’s a strong likelihood that men will approach you so why go about broadcasting your standards to the rest of the world If and when it happens deal with it quietly and move on Ok thats all from me Time to read your comments on all I’ve written You know the drill use the comment box to express you. I’m sorry Ada and completely relate I hope time will heal both our pain DeAnnaNovember 8 2015Beautiful! My boyfriend broke up with me today and my heart is breaking I need to remind myself daily that I deserve the best not what I thought was. Tlkn abt som1 being bad or gd wht i gathered frm few posts above no1 is bad or gd,excpt to hv som1 being wrong or right since we are talking about bad as som1 wrong in total sum of their actions or gd as 1 gd in evry aspect such ppl dnt exist in this wrld so i totally disagree that u cnt call som1 bad or gd.i believe u cn if d context of ur point is established. Yes!! I feel like I have been made a fool of so much lately They all say one thing but actually want/mean another When they come back (out of the blue) they always know the right thing to say to keep me on their hook Well no more!!! I love reading dy’s posts They are always so timely for me – right words at the right time ACOctoThis is PERFECT and very apropos of my life right now! Thank you thank you THANK YOU for this reminder Needed it! Xoxo Oh how I feel for you Never thought I’d find myself in similar situation Mine is my best friend and was divorcing When we started hanging out more We have always had much in common Started having those feelings as time went on y Months into it found out wife is still living with him He says its complex No kids involved While We haven’t slept together it’s been close She is physically and mentally abusive so why wont he leave? Two years into this I’m so confused apparent while they live seperate lives he’s in no rush to divorce her for some reason I don’t want to lose my best friend but once you cross certain lines turning off those feelings is impossible He never discusses her and I stopped bringing it up The stress I have caused myself is beyond words. Save my name email and website in this browser for the next time I comment *go with our gut more *whats meant to be will be WolfgangOctober 3 2016I wish all women would think the way. Username or E-mail: Your email address will not be t Name * Email * Website Just split from one who has a live in longterm gf Said relationship virtually over no love etc Probably true he’d been going on about problems pre getting to know involved started to fall in love The situation he was in was all he’d go on about he says he doesnt love her so why doesnt he leave ?.Hes not no children and supposedly upto you I couldnt bare to be an someoneone treats you like an option narrow their yourself from the as easy as not worth the pain for all concerned.I saved myself alot of pain further down the been a wholelot harder if hed let me go which inevitably he yourself the someone who can be yours fulltime. Rob: Well said In today’s dating game women are not approachable you can’t even buy a girl a drink to break the ice I will be honest I am not gonna chase a girl that wants to play games Also if a person can’t work out if a person us stringing them along then more fool them and that goes both ways Trouble is everyone thinks there is something better out there that’s not to say you are to settle but no one likes and what they have instead they look at what they don’t have What is today’s. Now back to the non-physical type of hurt i won’t go into explaining why but on baselines which baseline are you using to look at it through legal religious cultural or personal If you say personal fine If you say legal then you know that there are aspects of legal baselines that are not acceptable to you so what will you call someone whose action is not breaking the law but is not acceptable to you? As for cultural baselines we know that is an ever changing landscape and it isn’t structurally defined As for religious baselines (speaking from a christian angle since that’s what i know) there is no baseline the rules are as clear as black and white one that tells a “white” lie and the infidel are both sinners Plain and simple And i abhor self-righteousness it just breeds an “i’m better than you” mentality The bible preached on it Even the law doesn’t support it. Wow Im literaly in tears Thank u sooo much U are. Love this blog! Specially number 5 is a fact! I done everything i could to save the relationship and still left me without a word said….so i didn’t chase him after that coz i know i’ve done my best…but my best will never ever be good enough. Based on this blog I have those characteristics and nothing is wrong with them up until you give in to him Men uuggghhhhh…lol I’m not challenging you just leave. Rejection isn’t the reason really! Honestly better be rejected and Move on The problems is knowing that men don’t appreciate ANYTHING unless worked for He gets you easily then you just don’t mean much to him and in his eyes you just don’t have any value whatsoever Simple So you may not be rejected and be in a relationship with a and know deep down in your heart that he doesn’t give you his heart That’s WORST than rejection! I’m not certain So I’d just read again & wait for the comments Thank you for the reminder and the much needed reality check!!! Reply » TshenoloOctoSo very nowadays are cowards!instead of being honest and open with you,they just string you along and make a fool out. I agree with you 110% I chased a guy that i thought was perfect my dream on and off for 20 years Needless to say when i finally caught the relationship was an epic fail that didn’t even last a year Not that i regret it though After i recovered from the very messy breakup i finally felt free from him and a couple of years later life could not be better I certainly won’t be lacing up my running shoes any. Do not be put off by that idea experimenting is key Say you are to act vaguely uninterested it could go both ways It’s a success and you get the or you don’t When all else fails show more interest so they are aware you like them but are not going to chase them Going back to what I said earlier people desire things that are a struggle to gain To make him feel more of a he is going to want you to be more interested and will thus do the chasing – in hope that you will reciprocate which will boost his ego because again he feels desired Don’t fall down the trap of not making it clear how you feel eventually people get tired and they move on when they aren’t getting what. I so needed this today thank you for posting This is the flat out truth that we all need to hear especially in today’s culture. What you have here is a taker If he felt as much for you he would not be emailing from the comfort of his wife’s home While you go to sleep thinking of him don’t you wonder what he’s doing to his wife? Jeepers if he were with you wouldn’t you wonder who he’s emailing on facebook? Find someone ! Really wish I had read this sooner Smh screwed myself over this time I’ve got no one to blame but myself Reply » kekeExactly,eventhough i sometimes feel lonely,i will never chase a plus we ladies chase thee wrong guys who dont even. He’s my best friend the one I go to when I need advice He was so much more than a lover We live like 200 miles apart and sometimes only see one another once a year There have been times I didn’t even see him once a year There is such a huge hole in my heart right now I don’t know what to do or think I know i need to move on from this I’m going to really try He hasn’t messaged me since I told him this and I hope he doesn’t I don’t want to hear he is okay with this I don’t want to hear he doesn’t want me to leave I’d just like to think it’s as hard on him as it is me God I’m so sorry So So Sorry I was and cheated on and I wonder about myself How could I do this It’s so true not all bad people do this Sometimes we grasp and what we are missing in life it feels so good to be loved appreciated listened too. This is totally me right now! What kind of response is because I’m conditioned that way? I don’t trust anyone because of the trifling women around here I can’t fall and don’t let my emotions get out of control…but then I see he has a heart and it’s hard for me to just. & these men you’re referring to are baby. Wolfgang and Lyn – Great story! I cannot see that Lyn could be diminished in any way for showing her interest in her future husband! OuaibaOctober 2 2016I really enjoyed reading your articles We definitely don’t need to waste time and energy on chasing I have been there and I won’t do it. Thank you for posting this I am in a same situation and am trying desperately to move on and get him Out of my heart. Sometimes the stars just align I’m sitting here in utter disbelief that my engagement and relationship of five years is just gone I needed to be smacked into reality and this article was the thing to do it Thank you for the insight!! What I’ve notice about society it’s becoming more about me Some of us justifying why they cheat is the same justification of those who terrorize but because we put different labels on what is bad we don’t see it that way I am losing power in some where in my life society was taking it all away so my only action was this….WITHOUT THINKING OF OTHERS THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS. Been there; done that He is for 40 years but they have no children and it was like a “roommate” situation He told her he was leaving her but ended up staying with her and breaking my heart Since I have went thru this my advice is to and you won’t want to hear this – I didn’t – walk away and try your utmost best to not have anything to do with him ever again – unless he leaves her Otherwise it is a no win lonely heart breaking situation for you. I do believe these can be some harsh words but so very true What women have to realize is everyone you may like may not have the same feelings as you When that happens we need to put our big panties on and move around It may hurt for the moment but will not last forever.

You are amazing I actually teared up reading this because it is so true! All of it!! I solely believe everything you said I’ve had girlfriends tell me that “he’s just afraid because he knows how amazing you are” and I always say no! I don’t believe that! He’s running away from me because he simply does not care! Though it may hurt to realize that it much better than living in a delusional world Thanks for this post it reminds me to stick to my guns and not to roticize my rejection. I am and have been having an affair with a for twelve months I decided to end it last night and sent him a message telling him i couldnt deal with being in love with someone that wasnt mine I had never told him i loved him before I am heartbroken nothing less than what o deserve i know This lives opposite me so i have to see him every day I have no idea how i will get through that I love him. I totally agree with the 5 points and thanks a lot for that but please allow me to say that Scarlett O’Hara never sat down sniffing smelling salts waiting for a guy to rescue her I actually wish i wasw more like her I really could use a bit of her I-don-t-give-a-shit-ness, Gagaluvr how are you doing now? Your post was heart wrenching I too am in the same type of hell right now The pain is beyond intense I am wondering if you’re doing better now It might give me. This really hit me straight to my heart Obviously I know that he doesn’t like me but I still would want to believe that he does I keep blinding myself with the truth that I’m chasing over someone who doesn’t want to caught This is a hard core truth As bad as it strike me I need these words to wake me up in my nightmare I would want to be called dream. This is refreshing to hear I also have a similar situation I met this “” when I was 15 and he was 18 He and I were strongly attracted then but he was involved We went our separate ways and years after my marriage failed he and I reconnected on fb after 37 years He is still but said he and his wife hadn’t made love in half their years (now 40 years) We were/are in love It went on for three years to the point that I sold my house of 29 moved half way across the country got a job making 1/2 I made re established myself bought a house and we had decided to move in together We spent a beautiful Saturday together Literally overnight he told me “his soul told him not to do this.” He broke my heart He says he still loves me but we don’t communicate and he is staying with his wife I believe timing “is a bitch.” Sigh …. This was really helpful! It was a great reminder of something I’ve been pushing to back of my mind Lately I’ve been trying to catch myself and slowly change my pursuing into simply getting to know this guy (in hopes of a genuine and close friendship) rather than make him like me He has wonderful qualities and I really do like him but I’m learning that if He is who God intended for me God will make that very clear I shouldn’t be questioning whether he likes me too! I’ve shifted my perspective on just getting to know not only him but everyone else in my life a little better and strengthening my relationships with people Besides I don’t need to worry about marriage yet so this isn’t even necessary! But thanks again for a great reminder to keep myself on track to becoming a better me! I’d say The ‘guidelines’ are true in some cases and false in some I could argue that some of these men actually prey on girls that would be financially dependent on them But true to the post I think y of these men also prefer girls who don’t have too y friends so as to keep the relationship discreet And sometimes ehn these ‘guidelines’ are just balls people will do whatever they want with whoever they want for the most stupid reasons or no reasons at all And what about the men who look for clingy girls because their wives stopped having time fro them and replaced them with the kids or job? Or the Agbayas that just feel like if she’s young and attractive she should be pursued? After reading your post I am feeling a little more free I love to consciously think about what my heart already knows and understands However although I feel like I logically understand all of your points there is a part of me that will probably always say “but…” to excuse some guy’s behavior or justify my own What I want to do more is follow my heart trust my gut and have faith I truly believe happiness is a choice (or a result of choices you make) and when you choose to “chase” you are choosing to be unhappy So maybe from now on I need to ask myself what will make me happy? Not just in the moment but in a more general sense Yes it might feel nice to spend some time with a guy you’ve been trying to “reel in,” but do those few slivers of happiness make up for the hours of anguish and sadness in not feeling “good enough?” Nope. I absolutely LOVE this article It’s straight to the point and true from my dating and marriage experiences I’ve chased and been chased My gift to myself for 2017 and forward is to not make someone a priority who I am not a priority to and to follow the s lead or exit stage left if he’s not worthy to follow Reply » becsJanuI loved this article & needed a pleasant reminder. I read these comments and most of what i’m hearing is i’m going to ignore him and see what he does Well guess what there is a girl out there paying attention to your guy who is winning his heart cause she has the balls to tell him what it is she wants. It’s SO tiring still trying to capture a ’s heart when he’s supposedly already yours!! Reply » tammyOctoHi Tess a of character will want to capture your heart there will be no supposedly he will make. Btw I think a who is comfortable with his wife and kids knowing the girlfriend and being friends with her is the type that can kill That’s very disrespectful Like do your shit but do you have to dangle it in front of the wife while laughing at her ignorance? Although this is not what the post is about I also think dating a / is just wrong I repulse the and men and women who do it How would you feel if you were and your spouse was messing around and disrespecting you? It doesn’t necessarily make people who do it evil but tbh if I had a friend who was into men it would serve as a signal for me to place myself and my husband far. I am glad to know it is not easy for a to stop chasing someone I guess it is our nature to desire for connection Also my behaviour was initiated as the result of wanting to clarify any misunderstanding It is good to note that when see the as needy get the misinterpretation that the is after money I think I have to come to terms with the fact a who did love me once has been driven away from me due to my inability to stand on my own Was loosing my self confidence but now know that I am not the only one with the challenge to stop chasing. This article just nailed it Its so true but we women keep forgetting Thanks for the lovely article.

This is such bullshit why do women strive for equality in society and then act in this hypocritical ner? do you think men enjoy chasing women? and getting turned down constantly? it’s bullshit and it’s attitudes like that that’ll never get you a significant other This is true YenNovember 1 2016True I am a guy A genuine happy positive and honest person Towards women I play no games and have no hidden intentions y at school and work like me but I never chase after them because what I have in my chest They never ask me and I have never told them In their minds they think whatever In my chest my goal and passion is to be perfect for love Physically emotionally spiritualy mentally and from all aspects I want to become a pure hu being and develop all the good qualities of hu nature I dont agree or believe in dating because it BS Thus the girls that like me never ask me with honesty and humility why I dont chase after them and I never tell them Women are spoiled by too y men chasing after them to sleep with them I have had sex once which was stupid mistake but never have kissed a girl in my life or had a girlfriend Love and perfection are my deepest desires. I really enjoyed the comments from the guse I believe they give a more rounded view of the topic than just one side’s perspective Thanks for sharing the articleaning and thank you guys for sharing your views ☺ Reply » KimFebruary 1 2017It has taken me 20 years to figure out that my biggest enemy is myself I have wasted too much time being to the world’s oldest. I needed to hear this right on time….Good advice ChristineOctober 8 2015Love this! Exactly what I needed. I know exactly what u mean gagaluvr im going through the same emotions and there is absolutely no one i can. I have to say I feel funny with the logic of Point 1 In my other areas of life I don’t consider potential negative affects on my self-esteem as a justifiable reason not to do something – I go to the gym even though people might be looking at me I sing when I don’t have the greatest voice I take jobs and ministry opportunities I feel imposterish in and mostly I follow Christ’s example of faith and courage to do things that make me uncomfortable or in which I am afraid because these strengthen my faith courage and help me grow in trust of Him Why should relationships be different? I don’t lose my dignity or self-esteem if he doesn’t reciprocate or I get rejected In fact I strengthen. Tools certainly has a running correspondence with Baba Nako Dako can’t tell me nothing Very descriptive blog I enjoyed that bit Will there be. This was right on time! I’ve been trying to find balance in this area waiting to be pursued without feeling like the helpless lady Thank you for your transparency and honesty! Reply » KimOctober 9 2015Amen! Thnk u y tht was really helpful Reply » AshleySeptember 5 2016Great article! Well said Don’t these women realize their husband is an active willing participant? Have they not heard of the saying “it takes two to tango?” There is something broken in their relationship for one person to stray … if there is children forget it In my case there wasn’t even children and he ended up staying with her even though I believe he loves me It is a no win situation for the person who is alone And the cheater? They get their cake and eat it too They aren’t “” enough to leave their unhappy situation or leave their money … walk away… unless he leaves her. Very true I just got out of a similar “relationship” with someone who played me massively He used me for sex vanished then came back for more – a pattern that stretched out over the course of a few months Needless to say it shattered my self-esteem and made me feel absolutely disgusting I’m a smart girl but he made a fool out of me I kept hoping that maybe there was more to him than that but there wasn’t Realizing the guy you like is actually an asshole and accepting it is one of the hardest things Fortunately I’m outta there and healing Funny how vulnerable your own demons and unresolved issues make you Thanks for the read! Amazingly true. Tomorrow I will have a pre-scheduled meeting with a who I considered a professional colleague About a month ago I invited him out for drinks because I thought he and my brother in law would hit it off as friends (They own the same type of business) Brother didn’t show but the guy turned the tables when he began to flirt and pursue me for the next few weeks Then nothing Crickets I was forced to call him last week to confirm the meeting and he was cocky and I could tell he felt he was the prize to be won… not me Tonight I was googling ways to be direct with him and ran across this post! Love how that worked out Thank. Omg I so relate to all of this just like it seems y other women do also (power in numbers) I feel like I just went on a spiritual journey and realized that I need to snap back to reality and find a mind that wants to pursue ME I am worthy I am great I am worth pursuing. Twitter handle is @cod3prim3 Email: [email protected] P.S He has been deemed unreachable by some people *coughs* …… *coughs* That remains to be proven But what do you do if the only men who pursue you are losers you don’t want to date? Settle for one of them or pursue someone you like? It just seems if it’s the right guy it wouldn’t matter who pursued who So I have to disagree with this article I think it shows alot of self confidence to pick who you want and go for it There’s a difference between being desperate and pursuing Besides you can tell if a likes you when your with him If you still pursue him after being around him and he seems not interested thats the problem It’s a well known fact – playing a little hard to get works in your favor because it adds mystery to the pursuit. Enter the destination URL URL Link Text Open link in a new tab Or link to existing content I’ve been exactly where you are and for the same reasons: there was something about him that felt like Fate He dumped me 2 years ago because he couldn’t cheat on his wife Normally I would find that wonderfully honorable in a but not this time I was in agony over him for two years made worse by the fact that we work for the same company so I see him often But I learned more about real love from him than from anyone I’ve ever known I believe that two people who have that connection are able to communicate on a spiritual level even when they can’t be together physically Write letters to him in your journal (don’t send them.) Talk to him in your mind and in your dreams Be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself as you would. I prayed to god for a to come in my life who was everything and he did I didn’t know he was when we began dating We went out in public had amazing dates and sex I found out he was and I tried to stop seeing him because I knew it was wrong !! I slipped and saw him again for about two weeks a after I found out Long story short he told me he did some soul searching and realized he can’t do this and he ended it and I am miserable !! I have tried to stop thinking about him but I can’t I am in such a deep depression I genuinely feel he was something rare It physically hurts what’s wrong. Been there as well Your advice is sad – but oh so true. My story seems to have a happy ending Someone new has come along who is even better than the one; we fit like hand in glove and he is It’s like all of the lessons I learned from the first were just to prepare me for the next This relationship happened for your emotional and spiritual growth; time will heal the wounds. Am I asking you to comprise on your standards and not feel disgusted when men approach you – hell no There are y ways to kill a mosquito Perhaps instead of judging at first sight you could at least let him land before you bury him That way he feels less challenged by you – it’s sorta like a reverse friend zoning technique Unfortunately if you think men live for challenges I’ve come to learn women can die for the chase Even if they’re being chased by the wrong guys better to be chased by the wrong guy than no one at all right? Hence the problem. Yes this is so true in so y way I found out the hard way to and beginning to start this new journey after much disappointment and regrets now taking my own time and sliding the to come after me Thank you so for reminding me of my worth in life God Bless you Reply » EdnaJThis has been a eye opening today for me. What a great post! And so timely for me I feel like technology has ruined the dating world (for me at least) I always feel like I’m chasing! These guys are so lazy these days All they ever want to do is text They never want to talk on the phone or set up a “meet” or “date” I feel so frustrated Time to take off my running shoes and give myself a break!! Love to. Point number 5 was so well written by your experience it shows that you know what to say…and I can relate thanks a lot for the read The last sentence in point #5 is bang on… Sometimes all you thought you wanted was never for you to begin once you have it you realize it Cheers ladies:) To the person on marriage it is between 2 people only or the law would allow more than 2 The swingers are not being honest to each other And yes they are straying from one another Trust me one caught the other cheating and compromised himself or herself and now its her or his truth I feel cheating is a selfish need me me and more me If youre marrying because the law benefits you then you can have your modern marriage But that wasn’t the original reason to marry I didn’t say marriage isnt a benefit but some of us have the wrong benefits. Perfect timing Perfect I AM worth pursuing He shouldn’t make me feel that I have to coordinate my complex life to accommodate his That’s NOT the way it works I was about to apologise for telling him I missed him and couldn’t wait to see him which made him feel “pressurised” I think perhaps I will stop making the massive amount of effort to show how I feel about him and let him spoil me and run around after me for a change I felt absolutely humiliated hearing him tell me I am rushing him he made me feel like an immature fool God has impeccable timing! I’ve been such a fool for the past 2.5 years This is incredibly true Without question separating reason from emotions and not letting your emotions drive your decisions can be a challenge If he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated or with respect and honesty then he’s definitely not worth pursuing Move on as fast as you can…like I finally am Realize your self worth set boundaries and the pieces will fall into place with the right person. I think you have a point BOctober 9 2015Great article! I agree with everything What does it look and feel like when I’m not chasing a guy? Practically speaking what does it look like when the running shoes. Your email address will not be published Required fields are marked * + Name * Home wrecker move along…sounds like he is getting off on you and keeping what he has at home other wise he would leave Find someone I am in a similar situation I’m in love with a I knew him at work for almost a year before anything happened I developed a crush on him at first but he had a ring and i had been and celibate for eight years I wasn’t gonna ruin that track record…especially not for someone who could never be mine! Then we were involved in a work activity together and he asked me out for drinks after work a couple of weeks later We had drinks two weeks in a row some flirting going on after the second drink date The following weekend was July 4th and his wife was going out of town We watched fireworks and he came over Saturday and Sunday And I swear Sunday was the most perfect the best sex I’ve ever had He told me his wife is just “plain vanilla” in bed (I’m definitely not.) Thank you so much for your onsights ! Actually I do like a and I am wondering should I take the first step to make the relationship grow closer…hahaha…Yeap you are right ! The should take the lead in the relationship That will be a long term relationship I thank God for your advice. Excellent addition to the blog! I went through that for 5 years!! Ugh! Once I got away from it a year later my total dream come true pursued me I am so blessed to have this real true in my life PearlOctober 8 2015Thank you!!! The cold hard fact! Love. A question though by saying men are attracted to independent women who keep their mouth shut and reaffirm him as a aren’t those the things that attracted them to their wife in the first place? Not to mention a who will have an affair w/a has low self esteem and either doesn’t think she deserves a healthy relationship or is settling because of not finding a decent and available I’ll never become a home wrecker out of desperation because it’s just not worth losing those things I’ve come to love about myself Additionally despite the gender role conflict between men and women husbands should talk to their wife and let them know how they feel about what is said and done toward them I k ow men aren’t emotive in that regard however those convos are necessary to avoid giving a reason. This is so true I totally needed to read this I have had an on again off again boyfriend for ten years Everything that was said in this article was everything I needed to hear Now I just have to apply this to my life! Thanks for sharing Benta SilaNovember 4 2015Exactly what I needed This article is. Completely right Thanks for sharing Reply » VanessaOctoOMG! This is such an eye opener It’s so me that it’s kinda sad 🙁 … The hard part is actually putting it in practice Permit me to reiterate 1 of the things I said earlier Again whilst we all have our opinions & are entitled to them there’s always a baseline 1 which if anyone crosses then that person can be tagged a bad person in the least or be said to have committed a crime worst case scenario opinions birthed serial rapists & killers they also stopped the killing of twins & would hopefully end child marriage shall we then group all these opinions & their owners together to live & let live? & before society then religion ever was there existed & still exists a moral compass true there are worse things but we’re all commenting on a certain post & it’s major theme focus So at the risk that I or anyone who holds a similar opinion be called self righteous and using morality as a baseline please if you’re & dating a person what are you? If I lie to get of work what. Brian Thanks and you sound like a great But as a Christian as the way you describe yourself wouldn’t you be the pursuer -he who finds a wife… -don’t you think? Men are natural pursuers and a can give a a strong hint but if he’s not responding and she is doing it with a quality then she should move on because he’s not interested in her -wouldn’t you agree? A good should recognize a ’s value if he is the right one for her and a should not waste her time trying to make him do so if her Adam is not waking up then maybe he’s not her Adam or maybe he’s not quite husband material. Being a male your first reason for women to not chase a guy is a good reason why guys don’t like to chase women It is exhausting and dead blow to the self esteem.! Ladies you’ll have to admit it’s much easier for a to pick up a than vise versa Is our time not worth anything to women.? Why should men be the ones to initiate everything.? If a feels his efforts are going nowhere he drops it and tries something else I would agree most men are genetically wired to provide hunt and gather Not chase the female species Women wanted equal everything I have nothing against that whats wrong with a putting forth an effort.?

Then speaking of hurt I think its easier to understand when you’re closely affiliated with someone who’s been hurt through a partner’s infidelity I have a couple of men on my case and yeah I’m largely independent and without loads of friends When I’m down sometimes I think that I could date a because “baby girl wasn’t made for all this hustle” but then I remember how my mum felt when my dad cheated and I can’t bring myself to do it even though I don’t know these women Point it empathy might be easier if there’s a face to attach to “his wife” But then again there are always exceptions Jade I’d have you know that men also catch feelings so “clean breakup” might not be. Two reasons why I cheat as it seems now are MONEY and SEXUAL Satisfaction When a throws money freely at a with two kids and therefore two extra responsibilities (it doesn’t matter if her husband is earning money Mums here know that Women always have direct or indirect ways of spending more on their kids than their dads do esp when the mum is working) While I do not beg these men for money what they hand out usually comes in at the right time to sort out one or two money or family issues for me I work I have a standard of living that my salary may not be able to meet esp in this recession lol (and that people expect me to meet – including inlaws- simply because I work) so these men’s cheques come in handy at such times So even when I have made up my mind to end the relationship today this urgent family need for money crops out from nowhere and cant seem to wait for pay-day (remember most times salary is even dead before arrival!) Very well stated I sincerely hope no one thought negative of you for speaking. Our choice helps and at the same time hurts people it’s always a two-way street No matter how cautious you are it happens So if i’m gonna consciously care i have to care about these seemingly mundane things because i have contemplated this and i gave up But these “mundane things” are an acceptable level of hurt for most people. Totally just screencapped #5 I’ve always told myself that if the cat an mouse game finally ended and he decided to settle with me I probably wouldn’t want him So next time I decide I’m bored an want to text him I’m just gonna open #5 an read that instead Look at the evidence of relationships that have started because the chased and endlessly pursued the It speaks for itself KristieApSo the takes a risk at rejection when he pursues A risks rejection after you meet It has to do with a natural order of things Just because he pursues doesn’t mean she will be interested And vice versa just because she likes him doesnt mean he is interested Its risky on both sides just at different times. I was just needing to heard that in fact I am chasing this men I comes and then disappear and then ally backs and knows I will listen and started to txt or call him but this last time I am done He never call Now all the sudden he call around 2 am He called me a couples of ence we talked and now he doesn’t answer and I started to the same thing again I am glad that your article put me back where I belong to. “if you have to chase him ladies here’s the cold hard truth: He doesn’t want to be caught A who wants to be with a will always be running TOWARD her not away from her.” I wish we could syringe each and every alive on this planet with this dosage…damn girl! I often tell my friends the best place to hide something is in the open So if a guy decides to have an affair he’s probably better off having a successful one if he introduces his “prey” to his wife brings her into the family etc This means less sneaking around because his wife would trust her and will almost never suspect anything Anyways I’m not here to teach men how to cheat so that’s about it for the assumptions now lets go into details on why you attract or seemingly unavailable men Please keep all the assumptions I discussed above in mind and use that to put things into context as you continue reading After interviewing several women who have had affairs with men it occurred to me that y of them seem to posses a few similar traits Let’s take. This has changed my life today Deep down we know when we are truly valued but our need to be loved blinds us to the truth Not easy to be strong but so worth it in the end and have your feelings of self-esteem restored. I’ve read all the comments and I find it very funny and absurd that noone with the exception of 1 commenter faulted the sleeping with Jade but Jade instead Why is it a 3rd party’s responsibility to keep a marriage between 2 people? Also does karma only apply to women? Can’t karma bite the guy by his wife leaving or cheating on him? I’ll never understand why the one breaking his vows is absolved from his deliberate actions This really helped me with what I did I’ve chased a guy at my school for a year and a one point he did like and asked me out but his parents didn’t like our age difference so we couldn’t be together We stayed friends I still had a huge crush on him and I never got over him until something bad happened that never should’ve happened Now were no longer friends and it upsets me mentally that I see him everyday and can’t say hey But now its been three weeks since the incident happened and I’ve moved on to someone who came to me and who likes me for me I’m happy now and reading this I know now I’m not the only one who’s felt like this or has chased after a guy that was my friend but I need up losing him because something that can never change I just did this with a guy We’ve been “dating” for a few months It started out ok Actual dates He would call Started getting to where it was always going to his house and I was always initiating contact He was always “busy” Haven’t talked to him in a few weeks I decided that I am worth more than he was making me feel So no contact on my side If he wants to talk he has my number I’m actually not obsessed about it either which is a first for me and I’ve learned that he isn’t worth my time if I’m not. Secondly Im and I’ve approached women outside work for reasons other than sex Some of those women have gone on to be come good friends with my wife and I And on the third point you’re making an assumption that all wives worship their husbands… major assumption. Great Reasons! A friend of mine and I concluded that while guys are super SLOW to figure out what it is they want in their lives you’ve got to let them figure it out on their own No matter how hard you chase them or how hard you try to make them see the light they just won’t get it until they learn on their own Once they do they can make differentiation and appreciate the good women out there and spot the marriage material women Until then girls reach new personal goals and live the life to the fullest Personally I’ve taken up traveling Not to say that lonely nights won’t pop in but doing exciting things are always great distractions Let God decides the right time and and let Him fully prepared your Face your shadows and shine torchlight on them so you can see and understand and work towards who you want to be And it is important you don’t condemn (shame) yourself as you navigate your terrain It’s what I did We are all growing and hopefully all becoming the highest versions of ourselves — Please if you want to be faux aggressive because it’s cheating and society has told you how to react also remember that there are people stealing your future both literally and figuratively in power See that generator noise and smoke you are inhaling? You are dying because of them And the darkness that surrounds you when you want to be productive​? You have lower chances of success and more struggle compared to your peers around the world because of them If that doesn’t hurt you more than another person who shouldn’t have more power over you and your emotions than you should, This is what pisses me off about men just be honest and tell me you changed your mind you’re seeing someone else you don’t think this is going to work…I’d personally rather have that little bit of hurt upfront so that I know and I can move on Than become bewildered feeling bad about myself and confused as to why you started to ignore me Who the F knew at 49 I’d be dealing with this sh*t!!! I am so over it…dating sucks and it’s exhausting!! I am longing for my soulmate and that deep connection with someone but it hurts too damn much trying to find it…glad I found this blog! Thanks… So true! I definitely needed to read this today SFJanuI love this I feel that EVERY needs to read this and internalize it’s message There are so y things that a is already doing she does not need to take care of the pursuing a as well! I am such a dy. Tools you may want to consider some of these as reasons some men cheat with women My second off-side-boyfriend gave me the following hints He prefers women because; 1 They are usually more discreet about the affair 2 They do not ded so much commitment as a lady will (some girls may not even mind being second wife) 3 He is never free or comfortable when dating a lady he cant even leave his drink in her care to use the rest room as he feels she may drug him or something (in a bid to turn his attention away from his family to her) 4 Some girls are very possessive (call you late into the night ded money or expensive gifts an don’t seem to understand when you don’t have). She loves to be pampered? And I love the mercedes B-Class Electric drive! Not judging but thinking of only self is the reason the world is upside. That being said I am not in a very comfortable place doing what I am doing (have stopped taking communion in church and my spiritual life has been badly affected by this) Doing something like this deadens your emotions and therefore your relationship with Gd I sincerely pray and hope to stop it some day soon and will avoid ever having to cheat a third time abut hey this is where I am now and I just though I should share. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email Join 9,153 other subscribers Email Address Adults are pretty much allowed to screw whatever CONSENTING adult they want to if they bloody much please it’s not evern about so called morally right or wrong Yes there probably are guys but this one has what she needs simple She’s not in love with the chances are when her boo (who is not around) returns from his trip she let’s tha go and resumes quality sexy time with her own lover The wife will be alright please. I think I m chasing him coz I always ask him to visit me I feel like I’m the only 1 who want future with him even if he must cum and see me I have to ask sometimes he just give stupid reasons and endup not coming I can’t stay away from him mybe I’m chasing him indeed Y can’t he just cum bfo I ask Reply » RaniaApExcellent article and. I had this happen for 9 months One of the most painful things to realize was that he wasn’t ever going to let me have his heart even when he said I had it Actions always speak and prove how someone truly feels Everything ended but in the end I realized how much I was worth And it is true; the guy who wants you will always pursue you. I love your brutal honesty There is no need to be ashamed that you’re sleeping with. Second is that these men want to explore with you in ways your husband never could dream of I don’t have a high libido but once in a while a daydreams about certain sexual urges and fortunately or unfortunately these men are ready to go any length to explore with me The first I went out with could suck me for hours for instance something my hubby suddenly lost interest in doing few years after marriage All hubby cares for is missionary or come-from-back style and next thing he is done and flat on the bed snoring like a log. And i’m not forming guardian o about hurt and levels of hurt I don’t think it’s that simple or even complicated it just is and yes i accept that it is selfish but if you want to know my views on this here it is People are gonna get hurt in this life whether you want them to or not whether you try to help them or not People are gonna get hurt people are gonna find a way to get hurt either by your actions or your inaction That said why should you fret over it? you can call it a bad thing you can call it a bad thing I don’t see it as good or bad I just see it as it is LIFE and I don’t see death as a bad thing I know this sounds heartless and wicked but it is what it is LIFE and hurt is very subjective what can hurt one person can help another? you get hurt because you want to by caring Death isn’t good or bad it is just what it is the emotions we attach to it makes our outlook subjective Yes YES YES ….I CANT BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW TRUE THIS BLOG IS I AM GUILTY OF BEING THE PURSUERS AND CHASING SEVERAL MEN IN MY PAST RELATIONSHIP AND I CANT BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW OLD THAT CAN GET I AM A 33 YEAR WITH NO KIDS AND CURRENTLY DATING SOMEONE I DONT CHASE ANYMORE EVEN WITH THE GUY I AM CURRENTLY SEEING I AM KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN UNTIL THIS CAN SHOW ME HES REALLY THAT INTO ME AND SERIOUS ABOUT ME I CANT BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH DATING HAS CHANGED AND HOW BAD IT HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT FEEL THAT THEY HAVE TO DOWN GRADE THEMSELVES AND SELF WORTH I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS THAT GIRL LADIES RISE UP AS WELL AS MEN WE AS WOMEN ARE THE PRIZE AND TREASURE MEN ARE THE HUNTERS I NOW DONT CHASE I DONT BEG AND IF THEY WANT TO GO I THROW UP MY DEUCES AND SAY BYE FELICIA AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT… AT ALL LADIES YOU ARE THE TREASURE THE PRIZE AND RARE RUBY….LOVE. I love reading this I am not the type person to post comments indeed this is the first time ever This letter mirrors an experience I had almost perfectly olny I was on the other end of the stick Unhappy in a marraige but having Children is one of the most difficult decisions in the world but it becomes a million times more difficult when you happen upon someone that completes you from the word GO After a long covert relationship during which I knew happiness that I had never known she asked me to leave her be and never contact her again I have complied though it has eaten me up inside for sure It has been a long time but I still think of her everyday. I would not chase a because… 1 I’d be rejected 2 I’d be rejected 3 I’d be rejected 4 I’d be rejected 5 I’d be rejected Already tried it Being rejected is the word to define my life and I do not need more of it anymore Reply » Can't rain all the timeMaMen get rejected too So if you are going to use morality as a baseline what moral perspective are you using? Not voltroning o. Thanks SO much to all the men who have voiced their thoughts here You are all appreciated! It is important to me to know what you guys are thinking and wanting too It makes it so much easier for the few of us who really want a good relationship to know what. I know exactly the feeling I just want to hide. Hi okay so I am just going to be brutally honest right now I would appreciate if you could give me advice in this situation There is this very attractive very well liked guy that I hooked up with two weeks ago He snapped me a few times after but we really haven’t talked since And to be honest we didn’t really talk before either I really want to ask him to hook up with me again but a few things are holding me back The first is that I do not want to seem desperate Should he be the one to contact me first again or is it okay if I go ahead and initiate it? The second is it worth it? I think hooking up with him is more about further establishing my self-esteem than anything else Yes I enjoyed it but not as much as I would have if I actually had feelings for him I guess I am just very conflicted on what to do I know the biblical answer but I am searching for. Thank you for sharing this thought I’m currently on this exact situation I’ve invested too much emotion I’m having difficulties dettaching myself It’s something I needed to read Maybe it was meant for me to see and read this random thought you’ve shared Reply » FaithOctober. Thanks for sharing your story You are right If a is chasing you be a treasure not trash when he catches you My father told me to be an asset to a not a liability I need to bring something to the table too FridaDecember 4 2016I hve the same problm I always gave the relationship a chance Bt it took me. Don’t you hate it when you’re interested in a and you actually give him attention but then acts iffy Soon after you move on they come running back and bug you when you’ve already lost feelings SalenaLord have mercy nothing truer then these words Six yrs later and I am here now feeling lower then low can go All Alone praying that he will get better but everytime it gets worse Thank you for these words I am 36 will be 37 in two Months I started this at 30 enough years wasted it time I get better. Julie I relate I was involved with a for 18 years I thought if I was the goodvgirlfriend give him sex and be devoted he would marry me Instead I waited and wait….nothing Then I started feeling conviction I’m a Christian and I knew I wasn’t honoring God so I took sex off the table That’s when the relationship got complicated On again off again until he finally decides he wants to get But things were so different Unequally yoked for one We’re both originally from Cleveland OH He moved to Columbus for a job I found a a job about 9 months later It was a disaster We hardly saw each other I had no idea who his friends were We were living 2 separate lives I was not happy So I made the decision to let him go Now having to take the time and let my. I’ve tried to break it off Probably not very hard He is so damn charming sooooo freaking gorgeous incredibly sweet and nice (to me anyways) and we always have a great time together Meeting him in Memphis next week for an early Christmas celebration and I know I’ll be spoiled I tell myself “He’s moving in six weeks It’s gonna end.” He says he wants it to continue but I know it can’t Long distance relationships don’t work; why does he think a long distance Situationship would work?? I’m so sad I really haven’t eaten in a week can’t sleep more than two hours a night I don’t want to do anything The other night I prayed to God to take me in my sleep so I didn’t have to deal with the pain Now I’m praying something happens and the job falls through (that’s horrible of me I know) I wish I would have stayed I wouldn’t have to deal with. It is everything until it is not Until someone walks away and you realise that “clean breaks” might just be myths You’ve spent so much “not so much” time together that it starts to count for something You are somehow in tune with his habits as he is with yours In that time he has to go back somewhere even as you move forward… Sometimes I wonder how did she pick up the pieces? Why didn’t she leave him? I’m here now In my own wondering… Doubting… Preparing for something Will I be exciting enough? Intriguing enough? Funny enough? Awkward enough? Annoying enough? If not boy bye Boy bye? Shouldn’t I stay and endure the karma I believe/presume is mine? I laughed at someone else’s plight No thought for my selfish actions When the repercussions come will I stay? Will. Just an awesome blog I have been doing the chasing for 8 months and everything you posted here is so true Sadly I know that and cant understand why I cant let go I have already been intimate with him so it makes it all that much harder. Subscription to comments type: Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Both men and women project their own high interest level and intense feelings onto their luv interest Its very difficult to be objective when wishful thinking tskes over Chasing never works for either Person in a relationship or a potential one person in the relationship Is not motivated enough by the intensity of their feelings to drop their defensiveness and the other person is then the chasing begins Ok ladies i’m going to make things easier on you First of all this word “chase” means different things to different people So why not try this instead How is it that you want a to treat you? Figure it out please and then tell us…!!! We are not mind readers If you like doors opened for you tell us say thank you…! Tell us you like it when we hold the door for you Then guess what we’ll do it if we care ! It only takes one time for a guy to get shunned on the door thing before he assumes that you don’t like it Communicate with us ! What do you like? Do you like a morning text or a goodnight text Do you like to be left alone during the day or do you enjoy constant messages? Excellent… WELL SAID!!!!!! Reply » Zara kJanuGreat article! This is so true No matter how modern day dating might be and y men saying they like it when a also chases takes initiatives It’s clearly not reality The only guys who chase after me are short fat unattractive and unaccomplished Tahasha FreeAugust 7 2016Thank you Thank you Thank you! Now I can really let go of him I am going to stop following him on instagram I tried everything to let him go but this article has. Thank you so much for this I am a week out of the exact same situation! I am devastated and completely heartbroken but ended it because it had to be done! 3 years we were together I have been finding it incredibly difficult to find anything positive that could positively come out of this and normally I am an extremely positive person Your post immediately made me feel better and gave me hope Thank you I want to say to those who judge … You cannot possibly understand until you are in the situation I certainly didn’t set out to fall in love with a … but I have learned that we cannot choose who we fall in love with Judge not lest you be judged. Thanks this was very helpful It hurt but the truth usually does I’m learning to love me the way I am and remember I am not my past Reply » TracyOctober 8 2015This is exactly what I needed right now It is so true We are worthy of being pursued. I do believe that initially a should indeed pursue a I personally would like to know that a is interested in me before we develop a friendship/relationship Once we begin spending time together getting to know one another I think the “chase” should become equal in a sense I think men also want to know that the he is pursuing is just as interested as he is So that he is not wasting his time either So yes once I am “in relationship” with a I think that we should text each other call one another make time for one another etc… No relationship should ever be one sided That’s just my true opinion When a acts as if he does not have time for me I’ve learned over the years to move on and let it go At one point I worked 2 jobs and while attending College I still had time for my at the time When you care about someone you make time for that person and you want to be a part of. I just stumbled across this blog tonight and I’m literally crying reading this post It’s the advice I didn’t know I needed I thought I was empowering myself because I pursued men I thought I had an advantage over other girls because men weren’t ‘use to it’ and they must like the ego boost But how could I be so wrong?! All my actual nice serious relationships started when they pursued me Every time I have done the chasing it crashed and burned dramatically I had no idea why until now Thank you so much you have given me a new direction and perspective on relationships and love to follow. Email * Website Save my name email and website in this browser for the next time I comment Add an image to your comment:  (Allowed file types: jpg gif png maximum file size: 1MB. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! JISOS!!!!!!!!!!! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?????????😠 Disagree I chased my current husband for a while He was interested in playing the field at the time I felt there was a connection worth pursuing One day he said he realized no other girl would ever love him as much and we have been together for 15 years It all depends… I have been chased in the past and it turned me off as much as we say it would put a guy off to be chased I think we should just go with our guy more and not put so much thought into it Chats meant to be. Ain’t that the truth! Hard to swallow but very true Been there multiple times done that multiple times and it has NEVER ended well! I just pray for Grace to not repeat the pattern or get ahead of myself and start pursuing them now that I have realized that is what I was doing It really is just not. I have been for one five years and one reason I got early was to keep toasters away (both and un-) but getting does not in any way keep men away from a (I think it even fuels their desires more) So I was the type of girl to never get close to a now but now; almost six years in marriage with two kids down the line I have done so I can never justify or encourage cheating from any party in marriage but then life happens I have cheated twice in my marriage and both times with men I must say I never gave in easily though for the first it took almost two years of chasing even though we were colleagues (he being the senior colleague) and had to work closely together every day The second had a tough time before I gave in too but I think when you have gone down a road before it is easier to do it a second time (and maybe a 3rd 4th….time?) Men will do anything to avoid feeling vulnerable And if we chase them they can relax So even if they like you lots chasing isn’t a good idea….They will take the upper hand and keep it so you never feel at ease and you give away more than is healthy. Oh boy…#3 and #5 hit it right on the head!!! that was me a year ago in a relationship that lasted 8 months and all of the sudden without any kind of communication pooof he was gone and all I got was…I need time alone I was like an idiot calling but never did I get a response except for the first one saying “if you come to my house or I think you are coming to my house I will call the police. Hello Brian Thank you for your post I’m a “good” girl whose impression of most young christian men is that of being a dork who doesn’t know how to handle himself You sound like someone I’d like to meet someday Someone who would appreciate intensity warmth and vivaciousness that comes in a Christian package without assuming I’m “cold” or “needy”… figuring me out instead of assuming I like what you said about emotional intimacy before physical intimacy That connection is what is the core of every relationship and if God’s involved I believe nothing can shake it God bless you and the strength you have I hate the weakness I feel and I need that reminder. Does this have an app already? Anyway @nosa @JADE I like you Doing wrong does not make a whole being bad Also being honest with yourself and where you are at is paramount If you “think about the wife and the kids” only because it is what is expected of you you are bound to make the same mistakes again This post is near accurate I’ve been blindsided myself The irony Learn what you came to learn and move on Realise these are defining moments and you have choices and decisions to make that contribute to who you say you are and who you say you want to be It’s really not about another person And making decisions like this based on another person is usually followed by unbridled passion desires and denial This is just one scenario that I have repeatedly seen play out between two people Granted in this scenario the guy didnt do anything nor did he have any courage to advance the relationship like the did Which is why I want to stress the point that the roles of this scenario could easily be switched between the two Just as in the article the roles can be just as easily switched I do not have the experience nor the knowledge to either confirm or deny the “innate hunter” complex but I think that it’s safe to assume that it could be very present in some men and hardly present at all in others. Password Remember Me Forgot password?. Ps: If you need a subject to interview there’s this one guy that’s always hanging out at Shaunz Bar If you go to Shaunz you pro’lly. Thank you for taking the time to read my reflection on this article I am open to comments and replies as this is ultimately a conversation not an argument Reply » EmmaDecemOh my goodness where do you live? Can we start a relationship please?!? You sound like a very thoughtful person! Generalizations I really don’t like them For men or. I have to be fine will I now die See one of the risks of being in a relationship is not knowing if your spouse will cheat you can never be too sure i strongly believe that you have to arm yourself for the possibility that your spouse will fuck up If i’m the wife bring her home lets have a three-way LOL Nice stereotypes… takes two to tango hon If you were my guy’s wife I’d tell him I now understand why he enjoyed our relationship so much and I wouldn’t break it off. I am 43 years old My fiancé broke up with me two years ago Now we have been dating for two years Although as time goes by He gets distant and ignored my text messages and does not call Now he’s stating that “he just needs to be alone” We have been back and forth numerous times When we first met he chased me Then after 3 months I fell for him He proposed to me Then as I was falling in love he ran the other direction I don’t want to chase anymore Him needing alone time ? Is that his cowardly way of breaking up or he is seeing someone else ? I know with him when he moved out of my house when he broke off engaging he asked how come I did not pursue him ???? I don’t get it If u pursue they run away If u dont and show them that u might have someone else They come running A my point is if you make a decision to do something you should also be confident enough to stand. Loading Now nobody is dismissing anybody neither is anyone being arrogant doing wrong doesn’t make you a bad person Yes what Jade is doing is very wrong But should she be ashamed for it? I don’t think so Being ashamed is like saying her wrongs make her less of a person and i don’t like that As for the wife and Jade’s boo and whoever is gonna get hurt? Well people get hurt all the time it doesn’t stop the earth from rotating and revolving they will get over it If they do fine if they don’t fine it’s the way of the world As long as you deal with the consequences of your actions and you own your decisions and nobody dies in the process it’s. Hey Lisa im Ikema…I have been likeing this guy for mmmm 3 months now and its been a looooong long time since a gentle like him has came my way and i feel like this is the type of for me…he’s affectionate he’s rotic he opens doors for me but at times he’s stood me up and shit im like you tell me that something came up or u decided to hang with someone else and not me…i hate to be ignored…they say shit gets worst before it gets good or things are great in the beginning and then here comes silence of the lambs i hate. Anyways he started off so attentive Drinks after work on Fridays Maybe coming by my place See him every weekend when he was on his way home from his second job He used to answer my texts promptly and would actually read my email Lately he’s started pulling back/pushing me away My texts are ignored He “scans” my emails and rarely writes back It hurts He doesn’t think he’s treating me any differently but I can see it When I point it out to him (with proof I have every email and every text saved) he changes the subject And now just to add to the misery he told me in February he is moving clear across the country (changing careers) I am so glad I read this so true! I am going through this right now with a guy who plays games It really does bring your self esteem down he sends me so y mixed signals it’s like he’s here with me then he disappears for weeks He never calls or texts I am the one who makes all the moves but no more He says he doesn’t want to commit but treats me like we are together He wants his cake and eat it to it’s like he is always looking for the next best thing it is very hard not to contact him but I think he doesn’t bc he always figures that know matter what I will be here waiting for him and he is right I need to. I’ve written a list of all of his faults Absolutely anything you can think of!! Read it whenever you want to contact him then don’t! Let him do the chasing and if he doesn’t he doesn’t deserve you anyway! xo. Great advice I too was the one cheated on And NEVER thought I would be involved with a Yet I find myself in love with a who told his wife he was going to leave her and then changed his mind and didn’t move in with me after I altered my entire life to accommodate “us.” The heart loves who it wants to love Fact Neither my ex-husband or my ex-lover or myself are bad people – it happened We never could have dreamed in a million years it would But it never is one person’s fault There is no homewrecker The situation was already wrecked or otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. Dear Courtney – if he really likes you he will ask you out Patience is key don’t rush don’t jump the gun let him strategize how he will ask you out SAugCourtney if you introduce yourself to a shy and he does not pursue you he either does not like you enough or he may be weird/crazy either way what type of life would you have with him if he did eventually marry you? A bad one Normally weird guys can’t hold a. I loved this post I have to agree with that was. I never said a should chase a I said a should NOT chase a Regardless of what anyone says…men were built to be pursuers hunters gatherers It’s NATURE So when you take that natural instinct away from a by pursuing him the relationship has nowhere to go but down I’ve experienced this myself every friend I have has experienced this every reader who writes to me asking for advice has experienced this Not chasing a has nothing to do with “making him do all the work.” A should certainly be engaged and reciprocate when she’s interested…but to blatantly chase and pursue a is a recipe for disaster If you prove me wrong I will happily print a retraction But I’ve never in my 37 years of life seen a situation end well when a was the constant instigator and pursuer of a relationship. Wow this really isn’t true I’m reading this and feeling sad at the amount of potential happy relationships that this may have stopped from happening We are not all the same we all go through different phases in life sometimes we want to be chased and other times we want to chase If there’s a out there that you want then you should try and get him maybe he’s not feeling good about himself it has given up all hope of finding a great girl by looking because he has had no luck or it could be a thousand other reasons Please don’t let this stop you from making a happy We are not all. I never wanted the title of mistress but I am one Even though I haven’t been intimate with him we have created an emotional affair Ladies be very careful – there’s no such thing as a simple friendship with a who’s best friend is his WIFE! You really can’t be friends with a and really shouldn’t try It puts everyone in a vulnerable position One thing I have learned over the years is that MEN KNOW HOW TO LIE IN WAIT They may share recipes with you give you advice about your lover give you car tips etc… but there’s always that thought in the back of their minds that they want to “try you” and are just waiting for the chance to do so…some men can even wait for YEARS! My advice: STAY AWAY PERIOD! Gender This field can be seen by: Everyone Change Dy i woukd like your input on a that pursues and then does a 180 I feel like i am on the same page and then they back way up and im just standing there confused and wanting to fix things. […] Women realize that this is your golden period it will never come back so why waste it running after a who’s not even going to be a perent member of your life in the future? Besides you’re so young and free why cage yourself in relationships when you have time to focus on your careers? Try avoiding them for now and make the better of yourself […] I think cheating has become so common now that there is no “reason” why a will approach you anymore He approached you just because men are off limits. I am in the process of leaving a who has pursued me for about 10 years now I have only carried a relationship with him for about a year out of those 10 because twice I carried on and started a new relationship with someone who could give me what I needed 24 hours a day The truth is that I love this and even though I walk away I feel I will always love him Us “homewreckers” don’t intend to steal another ’s those men pursue us till we break They catch us in a moment of weakness I just wish that men would actually up and leave their wives if they are so f’ing unhappy in their marriage Why do they seak. Been there! Done that I am totally different now No will ever use me and not respectfully realize I am not a plastic doll to use You’re going to court and date this or you are going to take your. If he’s giving you attention pursuing and taking you out on dates introduces you to friends and family spends the holidays with you but tells you initially that he’s not ready for a relationship and his heart is still with his ex….don’t waste your time (like I did for a year 2014) Don’t give him anymore of your time He is only with you for sex and for his selfish reasons He will replace you and move on to the next girl It’s purely sexual for him only Friends with Benefits I’m still not. Been there….Sometimes we have to up and do what we need to do The best thing is to shut him out of your life completely no matter how diffucult it is It is best to stop talking about it listening to songs that make you think about it stop driving past places that remind you of him if you think about him change your thoughts to something else Doing this and time are the only things that will help Also find other things to occupy your time Exercise is a. You know what I read this; and I realised how much I really needed to hear this I’m a young girl (18) and for the past week have been frantically stalking this boy I have spoken to just twice I know this may be typical teenage behaviour but I really do feel like I’m losing my mind waiting for him to text me I know I shouldn’t be acting so obsessively but I can’t help myself It’s quite embarrassing This field can be seen by: Everyone Change So true just need to remind myself of this daily Reply » PattiOctober 9 2015Yes this is so very true! And I do know it but I have to be reminded of it from time to time We as women are so worthy to be pursued and wooed! Believe that! That’s what is happening right now,I can’t even stop,I keep him every min,sometimes he just read and not reply,but I see my self again,I feel like am going insane,I just want to let him go,but I can’t I just have to delete his contacts but didn’t block him,just in case he want me around,and he want to be with me,but I can’t wait any longer,I just want my love for him. I cannot believe I found this just in time before I made more of a fool of myself I have been seeing this for 1.5 months He’s been attentive constantly messaging me checking on my day calling me sexy complimenting me…I thought there was a connection I was desperate for that connection I guess So this past week has made me open my eyes and realize deep down this isn’t going to work He had to go out of town unexpectedly things were quiet for 4 days it drove me nuts since he had been so communicative with me up to that point that I knew deep down something was wrong Sure enough I found out he had a problem out of state that kept him there and unable to contact me or anyone for that matter and I DO believe it there. I’m going to start this post my least favourite way of starting posts – with a disclaimer Not because I want to but I feel compelled to Why? Judging by the number of calls I got asking me to write on this topic I know for a fact that some of you will go to town with every thing I say here So here goes… I am a blogger – bloggers often generalise. This WAS EXACTLY MY EXPERIENCE ! I can happily say Ive retired from chasing Men! No more wasting time:) TraceyFebruBRILLIANT – I have to stop chasing useless men!! They sap my energy and make me depressed – it has. I feel when you chase a that clearly has made it a point to that the only time he has for you is for sex you do have blinders on and you have somehow lost self respect as well Reply » KarinaOctober 9 2015That’s exactly what happened. Simply amazing ” I only chase dreams not People ” Best Statement A confident & Self Dependent can say 🙂 Reply » DapheneOctober 8 2015Read this through tears I’ve been doing this and I’m stopping. Wow this is the first site I’ve been to that isn’t dominated by scorned wives screaming “Hussy! Tramp! Whore!” That is refreshing. This was perfect for me to read tonight All things are meant to be I almost stopped tonight where a new I recently started dating goes for a drink once in a while Makeup and hair perfect and I decided to drive by and head for home Felt better with my decision after reading this It’s the advice I would and have given a close friend If this wants to date me he will call and pursue me Simple as that Thanks again The second trait common to women who constantly get approached by /unavailable men is that they are often independent Now don’t confuse independence with wealth You could be a contract staff earning 50k a month in some dingy rundown company but when you’re independent you are Beyonce She will still find a way to buy her own drink and only go out when she can afford it etc This is a major turn on for /unavailable men because most of them are actually more financially buoyant than most having had some time to stack up some cash But one way or the other they feel like they hustled for their money and they try to do what they must to keep anyone from taking it from them too easily And that’s where an independent gets the nod ahead of a whiny university chic always looking to change. Men mostly seek out younger available women who are fun and can teach them something new (especially in bed) when looking for affairs I used to belong to this school of thought too until I started digging deeper into this subject To be fair the statement is not entirely wrong as most times men have affairs it’s with younger women but what we need to highlight here is that most times it’s not the crazy age difference like a 60 year old having an affair with a 25 year old There’s another term for that – aristos or having a sugar daddy Yes I know it still amounts to cheating and once it becomes consistent we can refer to it as an affair but for the purpose of this discourse I’d like us to refer to affairs as relationships that are more beneficial to both parties drawn out over long periods of time and involve more emotional connections. This is so true It will save you from wasting. Thank you so much for this message dy I will admit that I’m chasing a guy that I really want to be with but he’s giving me all of the oblivious signs that he doesn’t want to be with me and I need to accept that it’s a relationship that’s not meant to be And stop looking like an idiot Thanks again… I’m going to start this post my least favourite way of starting posts – with a disclaimer Not because I want to but I feel compelled to Why? Judging by the number of calls I got asking me to write on this topic I know for a fact that some of you will go to… It’s amazing after all the equality rants you still want men to pursue For What?? The message is clear we’re not chasing because somewhere in the past women stopped being worth the risk I used to be an engaged in the dating scene after my divorce Point blank no knows what response he’ll get from a he wants to approach I’ve lived and watched horror stories unfold starting just. Truth dy!! I thought I was being a “21st Century ” by chasing and pursuing a guy Nope Turns out the natural order of things is for a to pursue a (Yep some things never get old) Once I finally “got it” I stopped chasing after him I even stopped calling and him On Christmas day he stopped by my house and brought me a gift He was not on MY Christmas list this year because after the way he treated me this past Spring and Summer there was no way I was going to reward bad behavior So I accepted the gift (most people said I shouldn’t have but let me tell you this gift was a loooong time coming LOL) and told him thank you and sent him on his way Now let’s see what happens next. One thing marriage does to a after a few years is – it erodes his self confidence He feels less and less of a because there’s this one person who shares his bed every night who has “seen him finish” so for him he needs that reaffirmation That reminder that he’s still got game You don’t expect a ’s wife to challenge him daily right? So where does he find answers – you! By reacting to him the way you did you have only validated his choice It won’t deter him at all – if anything he’s only going to accept the challenge and dig deep into his armoury to do all he can to bring you down and in y cases these men succeed. Ask God for forgiveness and get back on track We’re not perfect but sexual sin sucks for both parties and it’s within the body and not outside It says it in the bible that husband and wife must be able to bring their desires to each other or the devil will tempt you If what you need isn’t being met tell your husband not these sucky guys who give you excuses on why they aren’t doing the right thing to feel sad. I have been there I to met a 46 year old on facebook Kinda did the same thing LOL Might be the same guy Who knows We dont speak now And all is good but i get how. When I read the part were you said the women that have affairs with men are the ones that loathe the idea the most like that was so me I wonder how or why that happens I guess it just does I slept with a who is to a family friend of mine If someone had told me I could ever do such a thing I might have slapped said person But it happened (twice) I just wanted to say your research paid off you pretty much nailed it! ©2013-2018 I Love My LSI | Powered by WordPress with Easel | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑ Op read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder especially in relationships Sounds like you’ve got yourself one; your guy may have it Regardless whether you think he matches up or not you’re still setting yourself up for heartache and my advice is to move along Go No Contact and let yourself heal You deserve way better. It would be very nice for a change to have a very nice approach us since y of us Good men do get rejected when we approach them Reply » marthSeptemAmazing! Love this post Notice only men disagree because they want women to boost their. On a final note your concept is true I agree However I insist on empathy; that you spare a thought for the other as the day we stop as hus consciously caring about whether our (in)actions hurt someone else or not is the day we become animals Exactly dy Life is too precious to be wasted on unrequited love Way too precious!! #teamnocompromising The guys insinuating that a cheater is a worse sinner than a liar are wrong That’s not to justify cheating it’s just to make us aware of the fact that there’s no bigger sin before God No one gets a larger corner of hotter fire for committing more sins than another Sin is sin White lie is a sin un-white lie is a sin Note that when the adulteress was to be stoned in the Bible Jesus said “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” not “let he who hasn’t committed adultery…” L have moved can a who doesn’t communicate you at all tell you that you nag and complain just bcos you asked him why he isn’t he said you don’t understand him. I feel the same way as the ladies above I have been messing with a for the last past two Years we have a connection that i can not explain Him and his wife are not seeing eye to eye way before i came in the picture They live together with two children but sleep in different rooms She is not well to my understand I have two children as well are children hang out together and always talk on the phone he is 20 years older than i i love him with all my heart and the way that I’m feeling right know is that he is not going to leave her Happy or not he is the one taking care of her and the children I’m looking for more n not getting it young and still have my life ahead of me what should i do? I want to stop having sex and just be friends but he do not want that saying that he loves me and will do anything for me and my children ladies should i move on n still be his friend or cut him off for good? Heaven We developed a really weird bond I would find myself thinking about him intensely at work and I’d get an email or text right then He can tell without any communication what mood I’m in And I have reciprocal feelings….a couple of weeks ago his wife started giving him crap because she wasn’t getting any attention (sex) He was trying to figure out how to tell me we had to cool it when I got this baaaaaad feeling Really bad We have a weird connection. Ms Teri – How does this sound to you? Women will do anything to avoid feeling if we chase them,they can even if they like you lots chasing isn’t a good idea… They will take the upper hand and keep it so you never feel at ease and you give away more than is healthy Sound familiar? Hi sweetie Late response but I was there too at 18 and he turned out to be the best thing I never had – sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful stroke of luck Focus on the wonderful person you are becoming instead and put. As I sat here and read this I got my 8am “good morning” text from him We text all day everyday He says he just wants to be friends but is so jealous if I speak of another male I’m very honest about my feelings for him but he’s only receptive at times Very kind to me we hang out have sex but not always Sometimes we just hold each other Very confusing However reading this has kept me from responding to his Good Morning text Gonna wait and see if he misses me Might take all day before he gets a response Great read. Right if you chase a you gonna end up being rejected…I chased a and he ran opposite of me:( SaritaMaAmazing blog…I believe in this thinking …So true. I’m Also The Wife You Make Me Sick My Life & My CHildrens Lives Were Torn Apart By A Filthy Homewrecker That Couldn’t Keep Her Legs Closed & Find Her Own 3 Years Later I’m Still Tormented Daily With Memories Even Though My Husband Came To His Senses & Came Back I HoPe It Happens To You So You Can Appreciate Why Us Wives Are. Its weird because I know that I am not supposed to chase men because it just ends up in a heartbreak but what if the guys that I usually date are really shy and are just way to intimated and shy to say anything to me? I always date men who are very introverted for some reason I understand that im not supposed to chase men and this is such a good blog post because I chased my ex and he literally broke my heart So trust me I learned my lesson! I just think not all men are outgoing enough to approach girls if that makes sense So its kind of hard for me differentiate the difference between chasing and just doing what I have to for the circumstance If that makes any sense. As much as you may want to blame these women and call them names they owe you nothing as they made no commitment to you The only person in the world of marriage who owes you anything is your husband Well said! Bravo! Reply » AlmaNovemCouldn’t be any truer An addition to the list – If you keep chasing a it makes you appear desperate and unwanted by other men which is totally unattractive. Pingback: #Spotlight: An Interview With @TheTools Co-Founder Of TheNakedConvos… | Lipglossmaffia Inc […] /2015/10/08/chasing/ […] The second part of the assumption talks to the fact that y believe men prefer and available women to ones I guess it’s almost logical to assume that having a family to look after will serve as a major hindrance to an affair You’d have less time to spend together and even when planning to spend time together you’d need to put some serious thought into when and how you meet up to conduct your activities Now I don’t know how y of you guys love watching thrillers and crime related movies and TV shows but I do and one of the major things I’ve learnt from these shows is the hardest crimes to solve are the seemingly obvious ones Like when a loving father who doesn’t seem to be struggling with any form of depression or whatsoever murders his entire family and has almost all the right alibis Where do you. Flip the script reverse the roles Can the truth still. What the hell is one supposed to do? I tried so hard to stay away but I fell back. The final trait I’ll touch on is having that ability to keep your mouth shut This one is tough to explain but I’ll try y women who have cheated with men say they never ever imagined they would but when it happened did they tell anyone about it? Hell no Not their mothers their friends or even priest because after setting such high standards for themselves they feel like they have more to lose by sharing their secret How y times have you found out that some chic had an affair with a and you just couldn’t believe it for the life of you Like howwwww? This is not right Men should NOT have to chase women Those men who didn’t want to be with the girls who’s chasing after them Are not worth the time Its good to do a little chasing But don’t make the do all the work Because men will have the same problems if they have to chase all. Hello everyone im so glad I found this blog I have been dating the guy of my dreams for the last 2 1/2 years I recently found out he was on my birthday December 8 14 Im so hurt I feel broken How do I get over this ? I promise on everything I love I never knew he was ! !! Comments are closed. Exciting as well very exciting You can do it and you are doing it and you do not give a(n) anything! Intriguing absolutely intriguing You have a secret I have a secret everybody has a secret! Funny His wife is calling you and begging you to leave her husband alone Begging you to let the father of her kids come home and tuck them in to sleep Very funny Awkward You go out to dinner and he is torn because he does not know what to call you… Friend/Lover/Colleague/Girlfriend So it ends with your name No one needs to know anything Abi? Very awkward Annoying When you start talking to some other guy and he is getting miffed LOL My nigga-guy wosapining? You mad? Did they tell you that I do not want. We’re agreed on the selfish part which is cool If I follow you’re stating there’s always going to be hurt & since its a K we shouldn’t fret why this is justifiable based on your thought pattern it is irresponsible You’re basically advocating a helpless siddon look mentality & implying we are all “instruments of hurt” whether we like it or not yes? This LIFE is actually made up of people who take good or bad sorry wrong actions and inactions That’s how the circle starts hurt is subjective beauty is in the eye of the beholder However the same way a clear majority sees the beauty of a beauty queen is the same way Nigeria hurts when there’s another bombing in the NE BH’s subjective happiness be damned there’s always a baseline with these things Sir She got him to stop teasing me for a while but he is back at it I’ve tried to ignore him without being mean I would think he would give up by now because I would have P.S Another chick (randomly) came up to me to tell me that was his girl Other people noticed I guess I’m like dang do they think I’m a home wrecker? Or other things I thought his teasing was him being nice since he did it with others somewhat so I didn’t think too much of it I eventually notice it was a little more It’s a game I don’t want to take part in but it has weighed on my mind possibly blocked the right guy from coming Distractions eeshh! Look I’m writing about it lol Where art thou good guy who is over the chase & loves the Lord not perfect.